Manners Talk™ Vicki Fleming, Founder and Certified Etiquette Instructor
My Thoughts on Civility and Considerate Behavior
Manners Talk™ is a 21st Century Etiquette program that teaches proper manners and social skills for everyday situations, as well as many overlooked common courtesies. The Manners Talk™ Etiquette program, is taught in an upbeat, kind, and fun-filled environment, where the children and teens begin to feel more confidence, where their self-esteem is raised, and the importance of resilience is reinforced.
Etiquette, no longer has the connotation that it once held with simply cotillions, debutante balls, or “coming out parties. While once an indication of each person’s proper “station in society, in today’s world, etiquette can make the lives of all our children and teenagers a great deal more pleasant for themselves and others. There are a number of areas, only briefly touched upon here, in which etiquette, which might be partially described as an internalized sense of behavioral boundaries and concern for the well-being of others, can play an important role.
Personal presentation in a competitive world...
Dress styles have become increasingly laid back in the last several years. While in some situations —visits to the mall, trips to the supermarket, athletic events or cookouts—it’s appropriate to be dressed casually, there are other instances where a certain level of decorum is expected. An important part of their path towards success is for teens and young adults to understand the importance of making proper choices in their attire, including the infinite variety of personal accessories, including visible tattoos and piercings—and understand that self-expression can not carry the day in every situation.
In these times, the competition has becoming increasingly tough for spots in colleges, good jobs (or any job), and even suitable placement in lower grades and high school. Since so many children and teens come with similar levels of academic or extracurricular preparation, in a number of situations it is those whose social skills are well developed that will stand out favorably and have the advantage.
Proper social skills will provide young people with the confidence to handle most new and unfamiliar situations with grace and ease because they will know the fundamentals of all situations. They will not be worried about offending others. Instead, they will be able to partake in a variety of social scenes comfortably rather than being overly concern about which fork to use, how to treat the host or talk with dinner guests.
Social media and technology
While instant messaging and cell phone texting encourages communication, not all children or teenagers are able to place appropriate limits on this activity. In fact, it is pretty common for kids to ignore friends who are physically present and events that are directly unfolding in front of them, in order to text someone who may be only a few feet away.
Teachers express frustration surrounding the amount of texting students send from cell phones hidden beneath their desks in classrooms (phones should be ban/or turned completely off during lesson time). Young teen drivers are in car accidents because of texting. And parents have discovered their children are sleep-deprived due to late night texting.
It is pretty clear that constant and evolving media technology, in which vulnerable children and easily-influenced teenagers are exposed to endless amounts of mature content, can affect the behavior of our youth. Social networking sites have placed the focus on self, with an emphasis on "Look at me," "Listen to what I have to say," and, sometimes, "Allow me to expose myself to the world, warts and all," and with no filters. This environment does not necessarily encourage self-restraint nor consideration of the needs and feelings of others. This self-directed dialogue quickly becomes boring, even to oneself.
What we can do?
Children imitate the behavior and speech of the adults in their lives. And, despite our best efforts, we cannot be with our children and teens all of the time. They are increasingly exposed to depictions of adult situations and glamorization of less-than-savory behavior. They must sometimes process this without much guidance or perspective. And it is not only the least mature or most easily influenced among them who may be prone to copy what they see or be influenced to test boundaries. This is all the more reason why a finely honed internal compass is important. Just as exercise and good nutrition makes for a healthy body, etiquette is the behavior that complements and reinforces a child ethical foundation.
With all the craziness and incivility swirling around us, we can ill afford to be asleep at the wheel. It would be a major mistake to assume that our children and even those who are uncommonly kind or well-intentioned will automatically take on good habits or develop enduring social graces. Instead, the rules of etiquette need to be taught by parents and reinforced by good modeling on a daily basis.
It is paramount that, as parents, guardians, teachers, and administrators, we encourage and praise appropriate behavior and manners and, by the same token, not allow our youth to behave rudely or inappropriately. We have to remain engaged, stay vigilant ---keeping in mind that even though many children and teens may appear mature, this does not necessarily mean that they are.
Proper social skills will provide young people with the confidence to handle new and unfamiliar situations with grace and ease. They will not be worried about offending others or nervous around strangers. Instead, they will be able to partake in a variety of social scenes with greater ease rather than being overly anxious and self-conscious --- about which fork to use, how to introduce themselves, what to talk about with another dinner guest, and other essential etiquette skills.
In th 21st Century, the competition has becoming increasingly tough for college acceptance, a good job (or any job), and even acceptance in better good schools, where acceptance into lower grades and high schools has become extremely difficult. And while many children and teens come with similar levels of academic or extracurricular preparation, in a number of situations, it will be the one's whose social skills are well developed that will stand out more favorably and have that "special" advantage later in life.